Remember that Not Everything Can Be Explained

            This is the first time I’ve ever wished for a fight, because in that case I would’ve had an explanation. I’ve lost friends before, close ones and a few that were acquaintances. But this wasn’t any ordinary loss of a friend. This was the most avoidable one, because there was no reason behind it.

            There wasn’t a day when we didn’t speak to each other since the day we met. I had a good morning text every day, occasionally with the word beautiful at the end of it. Even though I was sort of used to seeing his name on my phone, the butterflies never ceased to jump around inside me. There were many disappointments, failures, and mistakes inflicted with his name, but it didn’t take more than one positive feature that made him worthy to be my best friend. I never gave up on him because even though there were reasons too, he never gave me a reason big enough. The potential of what he could accomplish was enormous and I was determined to get him to fully reach it even if it meant to bring mine down for a bit. He appreciated it, I know he did. It’s just sad that he gave up on me.

            I wish I could explain what happened, but honestly I don’t even know. The time we spent seeing each other’s face whether it was in person or through a tiny camera in my computer could never be returned. The stories and laughs we shared could never be untold. The moments we sat and felt each other’s pain could never be unfelt. But there could be a time when there wouldn't be any more moments lived together, stories told, laughs shared, and feelings felt. The phone calls stopped, the texts stopped, the video chats stopped, the friendship ended. As fast and unexpectedly it takes for a bomb to explode. It was as if he randomly dumped me on a stranded island with no form of transportation or communication towards him. Of course I still could get in contact with him if I wanted to, but it made no sense for me to make all the effort. The responses just stopped and I asked for an explanation once. One simple question that would give me inner peace even if it wasn’t something I wanted to hear, just because I would know why. But I didn’t get a response to that either. That was the last thing I ever said to him.

            I don’t know what his intentions were with everything. They could’ve been great as if he felt he was pulling me down and he wanted to stop before I gave up any serious opportunities, and giving an explanation would just lead to me defending him. They could’ve been as simple and awful as him getting bored and thinking that I didn’t deserve an explanation. But no matter how much I wonder, I will be as clueless as I started off as.